The music being played, as she finished her retelling of the story, changed to “Everybody Plays the Fool”. Gary still held her close and they continued swaying to the music in silence.
“You saved me from doing something really stupid and I am so glad I didn’t do that,” he told her.
“But things changed for us then, didn’t it?” she said with her head on his shoulder. “We never danced like this back then.”
“No,” he sighed. “I wish we could have but I was so embarrassed that I just left the dance.”
“I know, I was there”, she rubbed his back, “I kind of like this.”
“Me, too,” Gary agreed. “I wasn’t a good friend after that. I knew what had happened was important.”
“Where did you go anyway?” she asked him.
***
Gary watched her leave the locker room. He sat against the wall and looked at the bottle, now empty, where it had settled beneath the sink across from him. He sighed to himself, rose to his knees and crawled across the floor to retrieve it. Having done so, he got to his feet and looked at himself in the mirror. His hair was shaggy, combed to his left, and fell over his ears. The eyes staring back at him looked sad and he wondered why. He really wondered why. His Dad had a way of getting to him in a way that he didn’t let others do to him. He wouldn’t let others irritate him; he would use it to move his attitude from “I’ll show them” to ignoring them. But when it came to his Dad, it was “I’LL SHOW HIM”. He didn’t get it. Was it because he wanted his Dad’s approval? And what was his Dad’s big deal with football? Why football? It’s only a game. Just a game.
Gary placed the empty medicine bottle in his pocket. He looked at himself in the mirror to straighten his sweater, tighten his tie, and turned to leave the locker room. He walked past the lockers, exited the room, and stood outside in the hallway. He looked to his right to return to the gym and the dance. He thought about what had just happened and he wanted to talk to Janet. He hesitated. Things had changed between them and he caused it. They were just beginning to become a couple and he had a selfish impulse and she was disappointed in him. But he wanted to tell her that she had saved him. He changed his mind. Just a few moments ago, he thought it was the best thing to do – to end his life – and now it seemed the silliest thing to do. She reminded him of that, and she was right. If she hadn’t found him, and saved him, he wouldn’t have known that it was the silliest thought of his life. Now, the thought of facing her was embarrassing and her surprise at his thought of killing himself made it impossible for him to face her. He wanted to talk to her, but he couldn’t face her. He decided to turn to the left, walked down the hall, and left the building. Gary left the building.
Gary returned to his car, got in it, and decided he wanted a donut from Old Town Donuts in nearby Florissant. He turned right from the school parking lot, onto New Halls Ferry Road. He continued until the road intersected with Lindbergh and turned right onto it. A few miles later, he turned left onto New Florissant Road and a few blocks down this road, he turned left into the parking lot of the Old Ton Donut Shop. He went inside, ordered a Boston crème and a chocolate Long John donut and a cup of coffee. It was his first cup of coffee ever. He took the items and sat at a table near the front window. He chose the Boston crème donut first, took a bite and felt the ooze of the crème fill his mouth. He picked up the coffee, sipped the hot brew, and stared out of the window. It was starting to rain and the lights reflecting off the parking lot shimmered and sparkled as the raindrops splashed and splattered on the pavement.
***
“You left me for a donut?” Janet exclaimed as her head left his chest as they danced to look up at him.
“I guess so,” he smiled. “I did go home after that and talked to my Mom. She got me to talk to a shrink about it. The shrink got me to talk to my Dad, too.”
“I didn’t know that,” Janet returned her head to his chest as they continued to sway together. “It must have been scary.”
“Nah, I needed to tell someone what I was feeling.”
“I wish it were me you told. I really liked you back then and when you didn’t come back to the dance, I was scared. I was so glad when you were at the bus stop the next Monday, but it wasn’t the same.”
“I know. I wish I would have talked to you. I have been afraid to get involved in relationships since then. I don’t know why,” he admitted.
They danced in silence for a few minutes. The music changed again to the Moody Blues “Nights in White Satin”. A cheer rose from the room that suddenly felt crowded with people as they flocked to the dance floor for the slow dance classic. Gary and Janet continued in heir close embrace as they listened to the lyrics.
“Nights in white satin, never meaning to end.
Letters I’ve written never meaning to send.
Beauty I’ve always missed with these eyes before
Just what the truth is I can’t say anymore
‘Cause I love you. Yes, I love you. Oh, how I love you.
Gazing at people, some hand in hand
Just what I’m going through, they can’t understand.
Some try to tell me, thoughts they cannot defend
Just what you want to be, you will be in the end.
And I love you. Yes, I love you. Oh, how I love you. Oh, how I love you.
Nights in white satin, never meaning to end
Letters I’ve written, never meaning to send…”
Janet lifted her head again and looked at Gary and said, “I was just thinking that maybe we didn’t give us a chance.”
Gary stopped dancing and they stood looking at each other in the middle of the dance floor.
“You want to go out with me?” Gary asked.
“Sure, why not?” Janet shrugged her shoulders.
Gary thought about the distance between them; Wisconsin to Missouri, forever single to married and divorced, no kids to two boys, and he smiled.
“Why not?”
She smiled and stepped back toward him. He bent down and kissed her as the music began to play “Joy to the world, all the boys and girls…”
The End – September 12 – October 17, 2020
My First Stories 